I understood the “power of likability” through the experiment I conducted, and also wrote an article about it. Find it here. Recently I had a deeper realization on this subject. Interestingly, this time I did not even have to put any effort and force things to learn, which for me only means that it is natural and widespread.
I thought about dynamics that come into play when we like some one and when we don’t. And how that turns around to us being liked and disliked. The final conclusion I arrived at was the title of this essay. The conclusion of the previous experiment I spoke about was that those who have understood the power of being likable will definitely want to use it for their good. They would want to be liked by everyone and would do things aligned towards that motive.
So to understand how to be liked by everyone, first you need to introspect on what kind of people you like and dislike. Usually we like those who are: similar to us, who have a good conduct, who have achieved something in life that we aspire about, who we are attracted to, who we think are transparent to us and has nothing to hide.
On the other hand, reasons of dislike could be the opposites like: if the person is toxic in nature, you feel that person has ulterior motives, sometimes even dissimilarities drives hatred (ex: an introvert might hate to spend time around extroverts, due to his/her odd trait in that environment). But the universal truth is that not all are the same all the time. Not everyone can do the right thing at all times and even if they manage to do so, they will not necessarily be liked by every other person.
Given this conundrum how does one manage to get liked by everyone. The secret is not definitely in changing the way of interactions happening outward rather it is completely inward. Liking or disliking someone is a thought that has to be mastered. When I say mastered, I do not mean controlling the origination and evaporation of the thought but being ignorant to it. You must be able to separate yourself from the scenario and view the larger picture on what makes them do what they do. This will give you the perspective on not only why they do what they do but also what kind of person they are.
You must learn to let those thoughts pass by, ignore it and just relax seeing them come and go. You need not get immersed into it. Thinking deeply about someone’s act or cause of act will only lead to confusion and affect the peace of mind. But accepting the act as it is and observing the characteristics of the outcome will help you gauge the person and how they will reflect. This gives your an edge. Thereby instead of being judgmental and deriving conclusion, be open and be ignorant to chaotic thoughts. It might not make you “like” anyone but definitely this will make you “not dislike” anyone. You will be a harmless observer, therefore you will be “not disliked” by all. In fact, you will be respected by all for being non-judgemental.